Ok, you know those hand-held devices they have that use UV rays or lasers or electric pulses or magic to remove hair? I just saw an ad for one that said "Never shave again!" I assume they want you to buy their product, because if they didn't, that's pretty rotten advice. You'd be all hairy. Ew, gross. Ew, ew no, you're gross.

I had a dream the other night that I was reading Pilgrim's Progress (which, really I am), and in the story in my dream, Christian, after having left the House Beautiful--that rest stop for pilgrims, stepped onto a boat and sailed away. And that was the end. And I was sad, because that is not how the story is supposed to end. In my dream, I flipped back and forth through that last chapter wondering whether I had missed something. Perhaps the rest of the story had taken place, and only after it all had he stepped onto the boat. But not in my dream. That was truly the end.

But praise God that is not how life ends! Praise God that after taking rest and comfort with other christians in this world, we do not just step onto a boat and drift off! There is a Celestial City ruled by the Lord of the Hill!

When I awoke, I remembered my dream and how abruptly the story had ended. But I also remembered that Christian had not yet travelled through Vanity Fair or any other of the places of which I've heard from people who have read the tale. I'm excited to read more of it.

My faith has really been stirred since this weekend. I saw a new brother baptized, heard an older brother relate stories of his long life, and prayed with other brothers and sisters. I've heard how the Lord is working through a brother here, a sister there, and it's stirred me to trust that He can do the same through/with/for me. He can do His work even in Houston.

Trust and obey! There is no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey!

Oh, praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead!

Sometimes I will start singing a song, and then, next thing I know, I'm singing the chorus to a different song. Since this weekend, I've been singing "I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus the Nazarene and wonder how He could love me, a sinner, condemned, unclean." And then, I thought I was singing the chorus to a different hymn "How marvelous! How wonderful! And my soul shall ever sing! How marvelous! Oh, how wonderful is my Savior's love for me!"

But they are actually both in the same hymn.

thoughts on global warming

Nowadays, global warming is everywhere; except the moon. Thus, my first point is that if you want to escape global warming, you should go to the moon. Going to the moon is very expensive, you may say, but given the choice between that and installing a large window unit in the hole in the ozone layer, the moon is probably the better choice. Running that much freon in the window unit would release countless CFC's into the atmosphere thus deteriorating the hole in the ozone layer. And then you would need an even bigger window unit to plug it up again.

Now there are those who will ask you many questions, leading you through the thought pattern that they want you to follow. "Global warming," they say, "makes things warmer." And "The earth has polar icecaps." Then they will ask you, "What happens when ice warms up?"
Well, you ponder to yourself, it melts. "Yes, and have you ever seen a glass of water when the ice melts? What happens there?" Thinking they have you, they assume that the only answer to the question is that when the ice melts, the water level will rise. Well, actually, ice is less dense than water, so the water level will decline or remain pretty much the same. Seriously, do they think that melting ice will help the rest of the water escape gravity so that it will rise? But there is a more important observation one may make. When the ice melts, even if the water level did rise (which it might, I forgot earlier to account for buoyancy), what else happens to the water? It gets higher, yes, but also... colder. Thus, global warming makes things... colder. Don't believe me? Try it for yourself!

Ice Melting Experiment Instructions:
You will need:

• Ice
• A cup
• Water

Pour a little bit of water into the cup. Pour enough so that in a survey of 100 people, at least 76 of them will agree that there is water in the cup. Place some ice in the cup. Do not attempt to place an entire polar ice cap in the cup. The penguins need a place to stay. Then watch as the ice melts and the water gets colder.

It is also important to remember that at one time, according to science, the earth was at one time covered in ice. They called it the ice age, and there is a computer animated documentary of the event. In fact, it was so monumentous, there was a sequel made. Let alone that the whole thing was made up. I sure hope nobody seriously fell for that. Come on, I mean, it was computer animated, and there was a talking mammoth. Mammoth's don't talk. They're all dead. Thus, the ice age was a myth. Totally busted. But supposing it were true...
One day, Ug walks out of his cave and after saving money on his car insurance with the only live ice-age-Gecko, he notices that the climate is 5 degrees less below zero than it was 10 years ago when he invented the wheel, fire, and the internet. Shocked, he runs around yelling that the sky is falling and global warming has found them. All the cavemen band together, blame the warming on the dodobird, and seek to extinctize the foul fowl. Result: we have no dodobirds, and the cavemen would be shocked that we're running around with no mammoth skins on. See? To them, global warming meant something bad, something to be feared. To us, well, I for one am glad I don't have to wear mammoth skin. They are extinct, and mammoth skin is hard to accessorize.

Finally, there is the issue of wind. Wind, is caused by differences in atmospheric temperatures and pressures. As the globe globally warms itself, it causes the earth to be warmer in some places than others--causing wind. If you've ever been outside on a slightly warmer than comfortable day, you will notice that a gentle breeze is a welcome feeling, as it provides its cooling effect. Thus, global warming causes wind, which blows, cooling the earth.

Global warming is nothing to fear, as we have made clear with the issue of the caveman. It may also help to cool the earth as we have seen in our icewater experiment and the illustration of wind.

Yeah, everything above has not been verified. Totally satire.

what's going on in greg's noggin

Zoo.
Today I went to the zoo. There was a really wierd babboon there. Like, really wierd. I have never seen a wierder babboon in my life. The other babboons were acting normal, but that one... he was just wierd. What a wierd babboon. I just can't get over it. Wierd, wierd babboon.